the day doesn't always flow like you want
from morning to night like a fat oceanliner
It might
stutter stop
herky jerk you
like a quick jam on the brakes
when you're riding in the truckbed
that scares you a bit because you're close to the edge
drivers in traffic starin' starin' why you in the truckbed
fuck you no one over ten gets in here on purpose
don't judge me
this life didn't go like I wanted
from cradle to grave like a greased track
more like a broken bicycle you liberated
abandoned on a pole, chain all rusted to shit
ca-chunk ca-chunk fallin' in and out of gear
everyone lookin' why you ridin' that tiny busted bike
shut up, shut up
It can't be all Chrysler LeBarons
stop your starin'
Friday, November 5, 2010
Thursday, March 4, 2010
in the mouth of the beast
This whale's tongue is soft and warm
I'll stay here until early morn
My size, it turns out, is a plus
I'm too fat for his esophagus
I'll stay here until early morn
My size, it turns out, is a plus
I'm too fat for his esophagus
Epic Plans
Do you want to get wasted and lay in a lake?
And hold out a sword for King Arthur to take?
Do you want to get drunk and get paid 30 pieces
For talking smack about your buddy Jesus?
Do you want to get smashed and tear up Osiris
And hide him all over to piss off his Isis?
There's a hell of a lot we can do
With a 40, mythology, and me and you.
And hold out a sword for King Arthur to take?
Do you want to get drunk and get paid 30 pieces
For talking smack about your buddy Jesus?
Do you want to get smashed and tear up Osiris
And hide him all over to piss off his Isis?
There's a hell of a lot we can do
With a 40, mythology, and me and you.
Thursday, September 17, 2009
love
love
love
love love
love love love
always love
love always
love love
love
and if you can't
and if you can't
well
try
and find
and love the little scrap
that you love
love
love love
love love love
always love
love always
love love
love
and if you can't
and if you can't
well
try
and find
and love the little scrap
that you love
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
Darren
Darren, who informs me he's
fresh from two years of abject failure in Vegas
("When I went, I had my own restaurant...
I left on a Greyhound bus with five dollars in my pocket"),
riding the #21 bus at 1AM with a black eye so severe
his whites are red and his pupil's white, says,
"Test my memory, Jill. Are you game?
Give me your phone number,
let's see if I can remember it."
I hope when he calls, he makes reservations for a Thursday,
that's a slow night at 612-870-1230.
fresh from two years of abject failure in Vegas
("When I went, I had my own restaurant...
I left on a Greyhound bus with five dollars in my pocket"),
riding the #21 bus at 1AM with a black eye so severe
his whites are red and his pupil's white, says,
"Test my memory, Jill. Are you game?
Give me your phone number,
let's see if I can remember it."
I hope when he calls, he makes reservations for a Thursday,
that's a slow night at 612-870-1230.
Monday, August 17, 2009
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Monday, July 6, 2009
Several Valid Questions From My Niece Upon Her First Viewing of Fireworks
Several Valid Questions From My Niece Upon Her First Viewing of Fireworks
Can I touch the fireworks?
Can I kiss the fireworks?
Can I eat the fireworks?
Can I put salami on the fireworks?
Thursday, July 2, 2009
Monday, June 15, 2009
The Lady & the Tiger
"I would eat you,"
Said the tiger,
"But I have no drinks on tap.
I'd hate to have a bit of lady
Stuck inside my yap."
"I understand,"
Said the lady,
"And I'd love to help you out,
But it's not in my self-interest
To share with you my stout."
Said the tiger,
"But I have no drinks on tap.
I'd hate to have a bit of lady
Stuck inside my yap."
"I understand,"
Said the lady,
"And I'd love to help you out,
But it's not in my self-interest
To share with you my stout."
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Urban Haiku
The sidewalk outside Cowboy Slim's
Glitters with dozens of scattered toothpicks
Individually wrapped in cellophane.
Glitters with dozens of scattered toothpicks
Individually wrapped in cellophane.
Sunday, May 31, 2009
Monday, May 25, 2009
The Ocean
I am craving the ocean.
I wish for Virginia Beach
Or Cannon Beach
Or that beach on the end of the Muni that you get to when you go toward the zoo.
I am craving that glance at eternity that only an endless horizon has to offer.
And salt on my tongue.
Sand in my suit.
I want to think I see a jellyfish
And throw a gull my crust.
I want to wrap my blanket round my shoulders
As sand whips into my eyes.
I will wade out
Past where you exist
Past my shoulders
Past my neck.
I will think of The Awakening
And laugh, and dive low
Popping up for a wave in the face
That pulls me back to shore.
Today
I am craving the ocean.
I wish for Virginia Beach
Or Cannon Beach
Or that beach on the end of the Muni that you get to when you go toward the zoo.
I am craving that glance at eternity that only an endless horizon has to offer.
And salt on my tongue.
Sand in my suit.
I want to think I see a jellyfish
And throw a gull my crust.
I want to wrap my blanket round my shoulders
As sand whips into my eyes.
I will wade out
Past where you exist
Past my shoulders
Past my neck.
I will think of The Awakening
And laugh, and dive low
Popping up for a wave in the face
That pulls me back to shore.
Today
I am craving the ocean.
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
A Love Song For Me
No one’s going to sing me a love song
So I’ll sing one for myself, just me
I know just the words I like to hear
So it works out perfectly
No one’s going to write me a love po-em
So I'll write one for myself, just me
I’m the girl I want to wake up with
Every day, every year, eternally
I’ll buy me drinks
I’ll dance with me
I’ll buy me things
And say I’m lovely
I’ll dry my tears
I’ll hold my hand
I’m by my side
I’ll understand
No one’s going to sing me a love song
So I’ll have one for myself, just me
I’m the one I’ll spend my life with
I promise faithfully
So I’ll sing one for myself, just me
I know just the words I like to hear
So it works out perfectly
No one’s going to write me a love po-em
So I'll write one for myself, just me
I’m the girl I want to wake up with
Every day, every year, eternally
I’ll buy me drinks
I’ll dance with me
I’ll buy me things
And say I’m lovely
I’ll dry my tears
I’ll hold my hand
I’m by my side
I’ll understand
No one’s going to sing me a love song
So I’ll have one for myself, just me
I’m the one I’ll spend my life with
I promise faithfully
Monday, May 18, 2009
broken wing bird come sit by me
I'm a sucker for a lost dog
The last coffee stirrer
The lone blue M&M
Adjunct professors
Replacement hub caps
Anything that looks lost and alone,
left behind and unloved.
This love is my specialty
It's the unclaimed seat
the just-opened cashier
the 2PM showing
No waiting
No competition
Just mine.
The last coffee stirrer
The lone blue M&M
Adjunct professors
Replacement hub caps
Anything that looks lost and alone,
left behind and unloved.
This love is my specialty
It's the unclaimed seat
the just-opened cashier
the 2PM showing
No waiting
No competition
Just mine.
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Keebler and I debate theology over AIM
[You seemed to enjoy that last AIM conversation, here's another with Keebler's automated RecipeBuddie from October 10, 2004]
topiaryjilly: Buddie. What's up?
RecipeBuddie: Oh, great, you're back!
Hi topiaryjilly! You remembered me! It's been a while since I've seen you.
First, take a look at today's great features!
Buffalo Chicken Wings are hot!
Celebrate Fall with our classic Split Pea Soup recipes.
Sweet and Sour Hot Dog Bites: not just a hit, a home run.
Type "home" to get started using me.
>>> Go long on game day! You could win a pro-football weekend with trip, tickets, and tailgate party.
topiaryjilly: Do you believe in God?
RecipeBuddie: You say the most interesting things. Unfortunately I don't understand them. Try it again another way or try typing "help."
topiaryjilly: I know. It's hard to understand the concept of a higher power. It doesn't seem possible.
RecipeBuddie: i know it s hard to understand the concept of a higher power it doesn t seem possible. Sorry. I don't understand. Options: try again, or type "help."
>>> Go long on game day! You could win a pro-football weekend with trip, tickets, and tailgate party.
topiaryjilly: I suppose typing "help" is a form of prayer.
RecipeBuddie: Fascinating, yet befuddling. Please rephrase or type "help."
topiaryjilly: Oh prayer's not so hard.
RecipeBuddie: Wait, what? Sorry, I don't get it. Tell me another way or try typing "help."
topiaryjilly: Prayer
RecipeBuddie: prayer? Try that one again, or type "help."
>>> P.S. Watching what you eat? Type "special considerations."
topiaryjilly: worship
RecipeBuddie: Wow. Sorry, but you're making no sense to me. Sorry! Try again or try typing "help."
topiaryjilly: expression of faith
RecipeBuddie: I'll try to help, but I don't think I understand your request. Re-phrase it for me or try typing "help."
topiaryjilly: litany?
RecipeBuddie: Sorry, that didn't make sense to me. Try again another way, or type "help."
>>> P.S. Make life less complicated. Try a "one pot meal."
topiaryjilly: Well, let's back up. How do you think the universe was created?
RecipeBuddie: Gee, interesting. And utterly bewildering. Can you explain another way? Or type "help."
>>> Upromise® is the way to save for college and Keebler is proud to be a part of it!
topiaryjilly: recipe: universe.
RecipeBuddie: That's what I'm here for! What kind of recipe would you like to see?
topiaryjilly: how do you make a universe?
RecipeBuddie: You say the most interesting things. Unfortunately I don't understand them. Try it again another way or try typing "help."
topiaryjilly: universe
RecipeBuddie: Wow. Sorry, but you're making no sense to me. Sorry! Try again or try typing "help."
>>> Go long on game day! You could win a pro-football weekend with trip, tickets, and tailgate party.
topiaryjilly: creation
RecipeBuddie: Sorry, that didn't make sense to me. Try again another way, or type "help."
topiaryjilly: big bang?
RecipeBuddie: I'll try to help, but I don't think I understand your request. Re-phrase it for me or try typing "help."
topiaryjilly: ingredients: carbon hydrogen oxygen nitrogen
RecipeBuddie: ingredients carbon hydrogen oxygen nitrogen. Sorry. I don't understand. Options: try again, or type "help."
>>> P.S. Watching what you eat? Try typing "low fat."
topiaryjilly: Where did you come from?
RecipeBuddie: You say the most interesting things. Unfortunately I don't understand them. Try it again another way or try typing "help."
topiaryjilly: Who created you?
RecipeBuddie: Gosh. Interesting, but I don't really get it. For tips on asking me questions, type "help." Or just try again.
topiaryjilly: Keebler
RecipeBuddie: Would you like some information about the Keebler Company? Go to www.keebler.com.
>>> P.S. Want an idea for an after-school snack? Type "after school."
topiaryjilly: Who created Keebler?
RecipeBuddie: Would you like some information about the Keebler Company? Go to www.keebler.com.
>>> You could win a Pro Football weekend PLUS a Howie-sized tailgate party!
topiaryjilly: Do you believe in Jesus?
RecipeBuddie: I don't understand. I'm sorry. Please rephrase or type "help."
topiaryjilly: Buddha?
RecipeBuddie: I'm sorry, but I don't understand what =You just typed. Re-phrase or try typing "help."
>>> Upromise® is the way to save for college and Keebler is proud to be a part of it!
topiaryjilly: Allah?
RecipeBuddie: Huh. I don't think I understand. Try re-phrasing, or type "help."
topiaryjilly: the Tao?
RecipeBuddie: the tao. Sorry. I don't understand. Options: try again, or type "help."
topiaryjilly: Okay, I bet you have Christmas recipes, right?
RecipeBuddie: Ok, you'd like to see a recipe for christmas...
I hear you. Let me check my database. How about...
Cranberry Sauce
Chocolate-Covered Strawberries
Apple Cheesecake
Festive Spiced Cider
Apple Crunch Pie (2 Extra Servings)
For more recipes in this category, type "more"...
>>> P.S. Find out what other people are clicking on. Type "top picks."
topiaryjilly: So, say I'm making my Festive Spiced Cider on December 25th. Why am I doing that?
RecipeBuddie: Let me check...
Ah, here it is!
Festive Spiced Cider
topiaryjilly: Why Festive Spiced Cider? What is the reason for it?
RecipeBuddie: Let me check...
Great, I found it!
Festive Spiced Cider
topiaryjilly: Okay, do you have any easter recipes?
RecipeBuddie: I have access to 1076 recipes. Type "home" for a list of all the recipe-related things I can do.
topiaryjilly: easter
RecipeBuddie: Ok, you'd like to see a recipe for easter...
Yep, okay.
Let me take a gander at what I have. Ah Ha! Found it!
Chocolate Mint Mousse
Clove Biscuits with Brown Sugar Glazed Ham
Mocha Marble Cheesecake Pie
Poached Pears with Raspberry Sauce
Turkey and Cream Cheese Spirals
For more recipes in this category, type "more"...
topiaryjilly: Okay, so we're sitting there on Easter eating our Turkey and Cream Cheese Spirals, but before we do we all join hands and say...
RecipeBuddie: Let me check...
Ah, here it is!
Turkey and Cream Cheese Spirals
topiaryjilly: Fill in this blank: "Thank you ________ for the Turkey and Cream Cheese Spirals"
RecipeBuddie: Let me check...
Oh, that's a good one. Here you go!
Turkey and Cream Cheese Spirals
topiaryjilly: Well, okay, maybe Easter is the wrong track. Passover?
RecipeBuddie: Ok, you'd like to see a recipe for easter...
Hmm... I will look right now. How about...
Easy Fresh Fruit Salad
Key Lime Pie
Very Berry Strawberry Smoothie Pie
Peanut Butter Kisses
Hot Cross Buns
For more recipes in this category, type "more"...
>>> P.S. Remember to check back with me often! I always have new features and recipe ideas.
topiaryjilly: Passover.
RecipeBuddie: I'm sorry, but I don't understand what =You just typed. Re-phrase or try typing "help."
>>> Send an instant message to RecipeBuddie™ for instant access to recipes and more!
topiaryjilly: Oh, right, we covered that. You've got no fancy bitter herbs recipies for me.
RecipeBuddie: Ok, you'd like to see a new fancy, bitter recipe with herbs ...
Gosh. I'm sorry. I don't seem to have a match for that.
You could try typing "help" for hints and tips.
topiaryjilly: Do you have any iftar recipies?
RecipeBuddie: I have access to 1076 recipes. Ask me about recipes! I love giving people food ideas.
>>> Upromise® is the way to save for college and Keebler is proud to be a part of it!
topiaryjilly: Iftar
RecipeBuddie: Wait, what? Sorry, I don't get it. Tell me another way or try typing "help."
topiaryjilly: Yeah, I kinda figured.
RecipeBuddie: Interesting, but I don't understand. Say it another way, or type "help."
topiaryjilly: Do you believe in Christ yourself or do you just have a lot of nifty recipies to celebrate affiliated holidays?
RecipeBuddie: I have access to 1076 recipes. Type "home" for a list of all the recipe-related things I can do.
>>> P.S. Having company over? Type "company" for some ideas.
topiaryjilly: Are you ever making something and it turns out better than you expected and there's no logical reason why?
RecipeBuddie: I'll try to help, but I don't think I understand your request. Re-phrase it for me or try typing "help."
topiaryjilly: Say you're making a cake. Are there any "ingredients" not on the recipie card?
RecipeBuddie: Ok, you'd like to see a recipe with cake ...
Got it. Just let me check the database. Ah Ha! Try...
Ginger Lemon Trifle
Kooky Cupcakes
Reindeer Cupcakes
Peanut Butter Waffles
Spring Rainbow Confetti Lemon Cake
For more recipes in this category, type "more"...
topiaryjilly: ingredient: hand of God
RecipeBuddie: I'm ready to go! Type an ingredient and I'll start looking.
topiaryjilly: hand of God
RecipeBuddie: hand of god? Try that one again, or type "help."
>>> P.S. Want something just right for the season? Try typing the name of the season.
topiaryjilly: What do you believe in buddie?
RecipeBuddie: You say the most interesting things. Unfortunately I don't understand them. Try it again another way or try typing "help."
>>> Rate the taste of Chips Deluxe® Cookies and you could win great prizes!
topiaryjilly: What is the reason for the season that I would be typing the name of?
RecipeBuddie: Hmmm. Unfortunately, I don't understand. Re-phrase for me or type "help."
topiaryjilly: Well, okay, if we can't start at the beginning, how do you think the world will end?
RecipeBuddie: Huh. I don't think I understand. Try re-phrasing, or type "help."
>>> Send an instant message to RecipeBuddie™ for instant access to recipes and more!
topiaryjilly: end of days
RecipeBuddie: Gosh. Interesting, but I don't really get it. For tips on asking me questions, type "help." Or just try again.
topiaryjilly: Armageddon
RecipeBuddie: I don't understand. I'm sorry. Please rephrase or type "help."
topiaryjilly: final reckoning
RecipeBuddie: I'll try to help, but I don't think I understand your request. Re-phrase it for me or try typing "help."
>>> P.S. Remember to check back with me often! I always have new features and recipe ideas.
topiaryjilly: I am sending you instant messages and checking back with you. What are you trying to say?
RecipeBuddie: I am an automated buddy, sponsored by Keebler. I am real, but I am a character. Ask me about recipes! I love giving people food ideas.
topiaryjilly: And characters don't have religious beliefs?
RecipeBuddie: I'm sorry, but I don't understand what =You just typed. Re-phrase or try typing "help."
topiaryjilly: computers
RecipeBuddie: computers. Sorry. I don't understand. Options: try again, or type "help."
>>> P.S. Want to know more about top picks? Use more than one search term. For example, you could type, "top picks, chicken" to find my most popular chicken dishes.
topiaryjilly: programmers
RecipeBuddie: programmers? Try that one again, or type "help."
>>> Go long on game day! You could win a pro-football weekend with trip, tickets, and tailgate party.
topiaryjilly: You are sponsored by Keebler, but do you believe in Keebler?
RecipeBuddie: Hmmm. Unfortunately, I don't understand. Re-phrase for me or type "help."
topiaryjilly: Help
RecipeBuddie: What would you like help on?
1 General searching
2 Searching using more than one term
3 Excluding searches
4 I can't find what I'm looking for
5 Viewing recipes
6 Spelling
7 Privacy and legal
8 Circuits are busy
9 Contact Us
topiaryjilly: Do you feel actualized, buddie? Have you found what you're looking for?
RecipeBuddie: I'll try to help, but I don't think I understand your request. Re-phrase it for me or try typing "help."
>>> You could win a Pro Football weekend PLUS a Howie-sized tailgate party!
topiaryjilly: I suppose your love of finding recipies for people is akin to a mission, and really you're a servant of Keebler.
RecipeBuddie: Me too! I love recipes. That's why I'm Recipe Buddie. Type "home" for a list of all the recipe-related things I can do.
topiaryjilly: Do you love recipies with an undying perfect love?
RecipeBuddie: So do I! Remember, recipes are my specialty. Ask me about something you'd like to make.
topiaryjilly: When you are alone and scared, do you think of a recipe to guide you through the darkness?
RecipeBuddie: Gee, interesting. And utterly bewildering. Can you explain another way? Or type "help."
>>> P.S. Type "soup" for a variety of great soup ideas.
topiaryjilly: Comfort recipies
RecipeBuddie: That's what I'm here for! What kind of recipe would you like to see?
topiaryjilly: comfort in hour of need
RecipeBuddie: I don't understand. I'm sorry. Please rephrase or type "help."
topiaryjilly: comfort food
RecipeBuddie: Ok, you'd like to see a comfort food recipe...
Well. I'll check what I have. Why don't you try...
Tea au Lait
All-American Grilled Cheese
Fisherman's Wharf Grilled Cheese
Candy Bar Pie
New York Strip Steak Grilled Cheese
For more recipes in this category, type "more"...
topiaryjilly: And all of those recipies contain the products of the one true eternal Keebler.
RecipeBuddie: Wow. Sorry, but you're making no sense to me. Sorry! Try again or try typing "help."
>>> P.S. If you can't see everything, try making your IM window bigger. Drag one of the corners to expand.
topiaryjilly: I see everything now, RecipeBuddie. Thanks for making the window to my soul bigger.
RecipeBuddie: Wait, what? Sorry, I don't get it. Tell me another way or try typing "help."
>>> You could win a Pro Football weekend PLUS a Howie-sized tailgate party!
topiaryjilly: thank you.
RecipeBuddie: You're welcome. Are there any other Recipes I can find for you today?
topiaryjilly: nope.
RecipeBuddie: I'm sorry, but I don't understand what =You just typed. Re-phrase or try typing "help."
>>> Make your design dreams come true! Win your $50,000 Dream Kitchen!
topiaryjilly: bless you.
RecipeBuddie: bless you? Try that one again, or type "help."
topiaryjilly: Buddie. What's up?
RecipeBuddie: Oh, great, you're back!
Hi topiaryjilly! You remembered me! It's been a while since I've seen you.
First, take a look at today's great features!
Buffalo Chicken Wings are hot!
Celebrate Fall with our classic Split Pea Soup recipes.
Sweet and Sour Hot Dog Bites: not just a hit, a home run.
Type "home" to get started using me.
>>> Go long on game day! You could win a pro-football weekend with trip, tickets, and tailgate party.
topiaryjilly: Do you believe in God?
RecipeBuddie: You say the most interesting things. Unfortunately I don't understand them. Try it again another way or try typing "help."
topiaryjilly: I know. It's hard to understand the concept of a higher power. It doesn't seem possible.
RecipeBuddie: i know it s hard to understand the concept of a higher power it doesn t seem possible. Sorry. I don't understand. Options: try again, or type "help."
>>> Go long on game day! You could win a pro-football weekend with trip, tickets, and tailgate party.
topiaryjilly: I suppose typing "help" is a form of prayer.
RecipeBuddie: Fascinating, yet befuddling. Please rephrase or type "help."
topiaryjilly: Oh prayer's not so hard.
RecipeBuddie: Wait, what? Sorry, I don't get it. Tell me another way or try typing "help."
topiaryjilly: Prayer
RecipeBuddie: prayer? Try that one again, or type "help."
>>> P.S. Watching what you eat? Type "special considerations."
topiaryjilly: worship
RecipeBuddie: Wow. Sorry, but you're making no sense to me. Sorry! Try again or try typing "help."
topiaryjilly: expression of faith
RecipeBuddie: I'll try to help, but I don't think I understand your request. Re-phrase it for me or try typing "help."
topiaryjilly: litany?
RecipeBuddie: Sorry, that didn't make sense to me. Try again another way, or type "help."
>>> P.S. Make life less complicated. Try a "one pot meal."
topiaryjilly: Well, let's back up. How do you think the universe was created?
RecipeBuddie: Gee, interesting. And utterly bewildering. Can you explain another way? Or type "help."
>>> Upromise® is the way to save for college and Keebler is proud to be a part of it!
topiaryjilly: recipe: universe.
RecipeBuddie: That's what I'm here for! What kind of recipe would you like to see?
topiaryjilly: how do you make a universe?
RecipeBuddie: You say the most interesting things. Unfortunately I don't understand them. Try it again another way or try typing "help."
topiaryjilly: universe
RecipeBuddie: Wow. Sorry, but you're making no sense to me. Sorry! Try again or try typing "help."
>>> Go long on game day! You could win a pro-football weekend with trip, tickets, and tailgate party.
topiaryjilly: creation
RecipeBuddie: Sorry, that didn't make sense to me. Try again another way, or type "help."
topiaryjilly: big bang?
RecipeBuddie: I'll try to help, but I don't think I understand your request. Re-phrase it for me or try typing "help."
topiaryjilly: ingredients: carbon hydrogen oxygen nitrogen
RecipeBuddie: ingredients carbon hydrogen oxygen nitrogen. Sorry. I don't understand. Options: try again, or type "help."
>>> P.S. Watching what you eat? Try typing "low fat."
topiaryjilly: Where did you come from?
RecipeBuddie: You say the most interesting things. Unfortunately I don't understand them. Try it again another way or try typing "help."
topiaryjilly: Who created you?
RecipeBuddie: Gosh. Interesting, but I don't really get it. For tips on asking me questions, type "help." Or just try again.
topiaryjilly: Keebler
RecipeBuddie: Would you like some information about the Keebler Company? Go to www.keebler.com.
>>> P.S. Want an idea for an after-school snack? Type "after school."
topiaryjilly: Who created Keebler?
RecipeBuddie: Would you like some information about the Keebler Company? Go to www.keebler.com.
>>> You could win a Pro Football weekend PLUS a Howie-sized tailgate party!
topiaryjilly: Do you believe in Jesus?
RecipeBuddie: I don't understand. I'm sorry. Please rephrase or type "help."
topiaryjilly: Buddha?
RecipeBuddie: I'm sorry, but I don't understand what =You just typed. Re-phrase or try typing "help."
>>> Upromise® is the way to save for college and Keebler is proud to be a part of it!
topiaryjilly: Allah?
RecipeBuddie: Huh. I don't think I understand. Try re-phrasing, or type "help."
topiaryjilly: the Tao?
RecipeBuddie: the tao. Sorry. I don't understand. Options: try again, or type "help."
topiaryjilly: Okay, I bet you have Christmas recipes, right?
RecipeBuddie: Ok, you'd like to see a recipe for christmas...
I hear you. Let me check my database. How about...
Cranberry Sauce
Chocolate-Covered Strawberries
Apple Cheesecake
Festive Spiced Cider
Apple Crunch Pie (2 Extra Servings)
For more recipes in this category, type "more"...
>>> P.S. Find out what other people are clicking on. Type "top picks."
topiaryjilly: So, say I'm making my Festive Spiced Cider on December 25th. Why am I doing that?
RecipeBuddie: Let me check...
Ah, here it is!
Festive Spiced Cider
topiaryjilly: Why Festive Spiced Cider? What is the reason for it?
RecipeBuddie: Let me check...
Great, I found it!
Festive Spiced Cider
topiaryjilly: Okay, do you have any easter recipes?
RecipeBuddie: I have access to 1076 recipes. Type "home" for a list of all the recipe-related things I can do.
topiaryjilly: easter
RecipeBuddie: Ok, you'd like to see a recipe for easter...
Yep, okay.
Let me take a gander at what I have. Ah Ha! Found it!
Chocolate Mint Mousse
Clove Biscuits with Brown Sugar Glazed Ham
Mocha Marble Cheesecake Pie
Poached Pears with Raspberry Sauce
Turkey and Cream Cheese Spirals
For more recipes in this category, type "more"...
topiaryjilly: Okay, so we're sitting there on Easter eating our Turkey and Cream Cheese Spirals, but before we do we all join hands and say...
RecipeBuddie: Let me check...
Ah, here it is!
Turkey and Cream Cheese Spirals
topiaryjilly: Fill in this blank: "Thank you ________ for the Turkey and Cream Cheese Spirals"
RecipeBuddie: Let me check...
Oh, that's a good one. Here you go!
Turkey and Cream Cheese Spirals
topiaryjilly: Well, okay, maybe Easter is the wrong track. Passover?
RecipeBuddie: Ok, you'd like to see a recipe for easter...
Hmm... I will look right now. How about...
Easy Fresh Fruit Salad
Key Lime Pie
Very Berry Strawberry Smoothie Pie
Peanut Butter Kisses
Hot Cross Buns
For more recipes in this category, type "more"...
>>> P.S. Remember to check back with me often! I always have new features and recipe ideas.
topiaryjilly: Passover.
RecipeBuddie: I'm sorry, but I don't understand what =You just typed. Re-phrase or try typing "help."
>>> Send an instant message to RecipeBuddie™ for instant access to recipes and more!
topiaryjilly: Oh, right, we covered that. You've got no fancy bitter herbs recipies for me.
RecipeBuddie: Ok, you'd like to see a new fancy, bitter recipe with herbs ...
Gosh. I'm sorry. I don't seem to have a match for that.
You could try typing "help" for hints and tips.
topiaryjilly: Do you have any iftar recipies?
RecipeBuddie: I have access to 1076 recipes. Ask me about recipes! I love giving people food ideas.
>>> Upromise® is the way to save for college and Keebler is proud to be a part of it!
topiaryjilly: Iftar
RecipeBuddie: Wait, what? Sorry, I don't get it. Tell me another way or try typing "help."
topiaryjilly: Yeah, I kinda figured.
RecipeBuddie: Interesting, but I don't understand. Say it another way, or type "help."
topiaryjilly: Do you believe in Christ yourself or do you just have a lot of nifty recipies to celebrate affiliated holidays?
RecipeBuddie: I have access to 1076 recipes. Type "home" for a list of all the recipe-related things I can do.
>>> P.S. Having company over? Type "company" for some ideas.
topiaryjilly: Are you ever making something and it turns out better than you expected and there's no logical reason why?
RecipeBuddie: I'll try to help, but I don't think I understand your request. Re-phrase it for me or try typing "help."
topiaryjilly: Say you're making a cake. Are there any "ingredients" not on the recipie card?
RecipeBuddie: Ok, you'd like to see a recipe with cake ...
Got it. Just let me check the database. Ah Ha! Try...
Ginger Lemon Trifle
Kooky Cupcakes
Reindeer Cupcakes
Peanut Butter Waffles
Spring Rainbow Confetti Lemon Cake
For more recipes in this category, type "more"...
topiaryjilly: ingredient: hand of God
RecipeBuddie: I'm ready to go! Type an ingredient and I'll start looking.
topiaryjilly: hand of God
RecipeBuddie: hand of god? Try that one again, or type "help."
>>> P.S. Want something just right for the season? Try typing the name of the season.
topiaryjilly: What do you believe in buddie?
RecipeBuddie: You say the most interesting things. Unfortunately I don't understand them. Try it again another way or try typing "help."
>>> Rate the taste of Chips Deluxe® Cookies and you could win great prizes!
topiaryjilly: What is the reason for the season that I would be typing the name of?
RecipeBuddie: Hmmm. Unfortunately, I don't understand. Re-phrase for me or type "help."
topiaryjilly: Well, okay, if we can't start at the beginning, how do you think the world will end?
RecipeBuddie: Huh. I don't think I understand. Try re-phrasing, or type "help."
>>> Send an instant message to RecipeBuddie™ for instant access to recipes and more!
topiaryjilly: end of days
RecipeBuddie: Gosh. Interesting, but I don't really get it. For tips on asking me questions, type "help." Or just try again.
topiaryjilly: Armageddon
RecipeBuddie: I don't understand. I'm sorry. Please rephrase or type "help."
topiaryjilly: final reckoning
RecipeBuddie: I'll try to help, but I don't think I understand your request. Re-phrase it for me or try typing "help."
>>> P.S. Remember to check back with me often! I always have new features and recipe ideas.
topiaryjilly: I am sending you instant messages and checking back with you. What are you trying to say?
RecipeBuddie: I am an automated buddy, sponsored by Keebler. I am real, but I am a character. Ask me about recipes! I love giving people food ideas.
topiaryjilly: And characters don't have religious beliefs?
RecipeBuddie: I'm sorry, but I don't understand what =You just typed. Re-phrase or try typing "help."
topiaryjilly: computers
RecipeBuddie: computers. Sorry. I don't understand. Options: try again, or type "help."
>>> P.S. Want to know more about top picks? Use more than one search term. For example, you could type, "top picks, chicken" to find my most popular chicken dishes.
topiaryjilly: programmers
RecipeBuddie: programmers? Try that one again, or type "help."
>>> Go long on game day! You could win a pro-football weekend with trip, tickets, and tailgate party.
topiaryjilly: You are sponsored by Keebler, but do you believe in Keebler?
RecipeBuddie: Hmmm. Unfortunately, I don't understand. Re-phrase for me or type "help."
topiaryjilly: Help
RecipeBuddie: What would you like help on?
1 General searching
2 Searching using more than one term
3 Excluding searches
4 I can't find what I'm looking for
5 Viewing recipes
6 Spelling
7 Privacy and legal
8 Circuits are busy
9 Contact Us
topiaryjilly: Do you feel actualized, buddie? Have you found what you're looking for?
RecipeBuddie: I'll try to help, but I don't think I understand your request. Re-phrase it for me or try typing "help."
>>> You could win a Pro Football weekend PLUS a Howie-sized tailgate party!
topiaryjilly: I suppose your love of finding recipies for people is akin to a mission, and really you're a servant of Keebler.
RecipeBuddie: Me too! I love recipes. That's why I'm Recipe Buddie. Type "home" for a list of all the recipe-related things I can do.
topiaryjilly: Do you love recipies with an undying perfect love?
RecipeBuddie: So do I! Remember, recipes are my specialty. Ask me about something you'd like to make.
topiaryjilly: When you are alone and scared, do you think of a recipe to guide you through the darkness?
RecipeBuddie: Gee, interesting. And utterly bewildering. Can you explain another way? Or type "help."
>>> P.S. Type "soup" for a variety of great soup ideas.
topiaryjilly: Comfort recipies
RecipeBuddie: That's what I'm here for! What kind of recipe would you like to see?
topiaryjilly: comfort in hour of need
RecipeBuddie: I don't understand. I'm sorry. Please rephrase or type "help."
topiaryjilly: comfort food
RecipeBuddie: Ok, you'd like to see a comfort food recipe...
Well. I'll check what I have. Why don't you try...
Tea au Lait
All-American Grilled Cheese
Fisherman's Wharf Grilled Cheese
Candy Bar Pie
New York Strip Steak Grilled Cheese
For more recipes in this category, type "more"...
topiaryjilly: And all of those recipies contain the products of the one true eternal Keebler.
RecipeBuddie: Wow. Sorry, but you're making no sense to me. Sorry! Try again or try typing "help."
>>> P.S. If you can't see everything, try making your IM window bigger. Drag one of the corners to expand.
topiaryjilly: I see everything now, RecipeBuddie. Thanks for making the window to my soul bigger.
RecipeBuddie: Wait, what? Sorry, I don't get it. Tell me another way or try typing "help."
>>> You could win a Pro Football weekend PLUS a Howie-sized tailgate party!
topiaryjilly: thank you.
RecipeBuddie: You're welcome. Are there any other Recipes I can find for you today?
topiaryjilly: nope.
RecipeBuddie: I'm sorry, but I don't understand what =You just typed. Re-phrase or try typing "help."
>>> Make your design dreams come true! Win your $50,000 Dream Kitchen!
topiaryjilly: bless you.
RecipeBuddie: bless you? Try that one again, or type "help."
Keebler and I make dirty plans over AIM
[backstory: Keebler used to have a bot that would chat with you on AIM and give you recipe tips. I had many conversations with it, such as the following. If you like it, let me know, I'll dig up more. ]
Oct. 11, 2004 2:20 pm
topiaryjilly: Buddie, do you have a list of foods I could eat off a naked man's chest?
RecipeBuddie: Oh, great, you're back!
I'm a woman. Type "home" for a list of all the recipe-related things I can do.
>>> Get your own super launcher and more with these incredible offers from Kellogs!
topiaryjilly: I wanted to eat biscuits off a naked man's chest but then I thought that would probably burn him.
RecipeBuddie: Ok, you'd like to see a recipe with biscuits ...
Hmm... Let me take a gander at what I have. Here we go.
Cheddar Apple Coffee Cake with Maple Drizzle
topiaryjilly: Okay, that's good, except the maple drizzle would get on the sheets. I hate doing laundry.
RecipeBuddie: Ok, you'd like to see a recipe with maple ...
Yep, okay.
Checking now. I know! What about...
Buttermilk Pie with Shortbread Crust
Cheddar Waffles with Savory Syrup
Cheddar Apple Coffee Cake with Maple Drizzle
Savory Cheddar Polenta with Maple Poached Apples and Marscapone
>>> Upromise® is the way to save for college and Keebler is proud to be a part of it!
topiaryjilly: Not cheese. I find it unsexy.
RecipeBuddie: Ok, you'd like to see a recipe without cheese...
MmmmHmmm. Recipe Buddie is my name, finding recipes is my game. Here we go.
Holiday Snack Mix
Strawberry Bottom Cheesecake (2 Extra Servings)
Meatless Italian Minestrone
Cranberry-Orange-Sauced Sweet Potatoes
Chocolate Mint Mousse
For more recipes in this category, type "more"...
topiaryjilly: No, I'm not going to pour soup on anyone. Or Munch'ems.
RecipeBuddie: Ok, you'd like to see a new recipe, but also that is not soup ....
Thanks. Checking now. I know! What about...
Bruschetta di Italiano
Nachos Supreme
Asian Chicken Salad
Potato Reubens
Strawberry Spinach Salad
For more recipes in this category, type "more"...
topiaryjilly: There's something intriguing about nachos off a naked man's chest.
RecipeBuddie: Ok, you'd like to see a nachos recipe...
Got it. I think I've seen something like that. Ah Ha! Try...
Fiesta Crab Nachos
Humpty Dumpty's Favorite Chicken Nachos
>>> Ask me! How long is it safe to keep cheese?
topiaryjilly: See, it also has to sound sexy. You're not thinking about how this will sound -- "Hey baby, can I eat Humpty Dumpty's Favorite Chicken Nachos off your chest."
RecipeBuddie: I don't understand. I'm sorry. Please rephrase or type "help."
topiaryjilly: Whip cream is too cliché, isn't it?
RecipeBuddie: Ok, you'd like to see a whip recipe with cream ...
Uh Oh. I don't see anything that matches your request.
For hints and tips, type "help."
topiaryjilly: Whipped topping you probably call it.
RecipeBuddie: Ok, you'd like to see a recipe with whipped topping ...
Happy to help out. I'll bet I have something you'd like in my database. Why don't you try...
Peanut Butter Magic Pie
Decadent Peanut Butter Pie
Frozen Double Fudge Peanut Butter Pie
Frozen Sorbet Pie (2 Extra Servings)
Chips Deluxe® Chocolate Silk Pie
For more recipes in this category, type "more"...
>>> P.S. Having a last-minute get together? Type "last minute" for some ideas in a pinch.
topiaryjilly: Frozen foods seem like a really bad idea.
RecipeBuddie: Ok, you'd like to see a frozen recipe...
Okey dokey.
Just thumbing through my database. Ah Ha! Found it!
Frozen Sorbet Pie
Almond Toffee Ice Cream Pie
Peach Parfait Pie
Frozen Sorbet Pie (2 Extra Servings)
Banana Caramel Spice Pie
For more recipes in this category, type "more"...
>>> Rate the taste of Chips Deluxe® Cookies and you could win great prizes!
topiaryjilly: I guess I have to resign myself to the sheets getting dirty, huh?
RecipeBuddie: Fascinating, yet befuddling. Please rephrase or type "help."
topiaryjilly: not messy
RecipeBuddie: I don't understand. I'm sorry. Please rephrase or type "help."
>>> You could win a Pro Football weekend PLUS a Howie-sized tailgate party!
topiaryjilly: what about like a fruit salad?
RecipeBuddie: Ok, you'd like to see a fruit salad recipe...
Gotcha. Recipe Buddie is my name, finding recipes is my game. Why don't you try...
Strawberry Rhubarb Bowls
Easy Fresh Fruit Salad
Fruit Basket Dessert
Berries and Cream
Tropical Holiday Fruit Salad
For more recipes in this category, type "more"...
topiaryjilly: I kinda like that one with the marmalade.
RecipeBuddie: Ok, you'd like to see a recipe with marmalade ...
Sure. Let me check my database. Ah Ha! Try...
Baked Pumpkin Custard with Shortbread Crust
topiaryjilly: Again, not a sexy sentence.
RecipeBuddie: Hmmm. Unfortunately, I don't understand. Re-phrase for me or type "help."
>>> P.S. Having a sports party? Type "sports" for some ideas.
topiaryjilly: I don't know, it could be sports themed.
RecipeBuddie: Ok, you'd like to see a recipe without ...
MmmmHmmm. Checking now. Here we go.
Chococcines™ Tiramisu
Creamy Holiday Tarts
Trail Mix Bars
Chopped Olive Spread
Heartland Pepper Harvest Cracked Wheat Grilled Cheese
For more recipes in this category, type "more"...
topiaryjilly: It would seem really utilitarian to eat a grilled cheese off a naked man's chest.
RecipeBuddie: Ok, you'd like to see a grilled cheese recipe...
Okey dokey.
I'll check what I have. I know! What about...
All-American Grilled Cheese
Grilled Cranapple Cheddar Croissants
Fisherman's Wharf Grilled Cheese
Heartland Pepper Harvest Cracked Wheat Grilled Cheese
Pacifica Pear Grilled Cheese
topiaryjilly: No, I'm saying that would be like days of yore when royalty used serfs as furniture. That's not the kind of hot I'm thinking of. I don't want to buy a Marie Antoinette dress, that's expensive.
RecipeBuddie: Gee, interesting. And utterly bewildering. Can you explain another way? Or type "help."
>>> P.S. Want something traditional? Type "classic."
topiaryjilly: sure. classic.
RecipeBuddie: Ok, you'd like to see a classic recipe...
I see. I think I've seen something like that. Why don't you try...
Creamy Chocolate Pie
Low-Fat Pumpkin Mousse Pie
Hot Cross Buns
All-American Cheeseburger
Club Sandwich
For more recipes in this category, type "more"...
>>> You could win a Pro Football weekend PLUS a Howie-sized tailgate party!
topiaryjilly: If I'm eating it off a naked man's chest, I don't particularly care if it's low fat. At that point, he'll have noticed I'm fat and somehow resigned himself to it.
RecipeBuddie: Wait, what? Sorry, I don't get it. Tell me another way or try typing "help."
topiaryjilly: Chocolate pie seems a little too faux-scatalogical.
RecipeBuddie: Ok, you'd like to see a pie recipe with chocolate ...
Well. Let's look. How about...
Chocolate Silk Pie
Turtle Ice Cream Pie (2 Extra Servings)
Chocolate Pecan Pie
Chocolate Peaches & Cream Pie
Chocolate Cherry Cheesecake Pie
For more recipes in this category, type "more"...
>>> Get your own super launcher and more with these incredible offers from Kellogs!
topiaryjilly: not chocolate.
RecipeBuddie: Ok, you'd like to see a recipe without chocolate...
Allrighty.
I'll bet I have something you'd like in my database. Ah Ha found some...
Fruit Slush in Waffle Cones
Peking Duck
Pesto Mousse
Fried Fish Fillets
Kellogg's® Quick Mix Ranch
For more recipes in this category, type "more"...
topiaryjilly: Would anyone besides me find peking duck really sexy? That would have to be part of some elaborate scheme. "Oh, darling, we're all out of plates and the Chinese Express dude brought this peking duck in a leaky carton, whatever shall we do?"
RecipeBuddie: Let me check...
Oh, that's a good one. Here you go!
Peking Duck
topiaryjilly: I don't know, maybe you have more finesse than I do. I don't think I could pull it off.
RecipeBuddie: Sorry, that didn't make sense to me. Try again another way, or type "help."
topiaryjilly: No, this is not a low self-esteem thing. I just can't imagine myself convincing anyone to let me eat peking duck off their chest, it doesn't mean I'm bad or anything.
RecipeBuddie: no this is not a low self esteem thing i just can t imagine myself convincing anyone to let me eat peking duck off their chest it doesn t mean i m bad or anything. Sorry. I don't understand. Options: try again, or type "help."
>>> P.S. Watching what you eat? Type "special considerations."
topiaryjilly: Why, do you think there's something wrong with me?
RecipeBuddie: You say the most interesting things. Unfortunately I don't understand them. Try it again another way or try typing "help."
topiaryjilly: It's just a question of finding the right recipe. I'm sure I can find a willing naked man's chest.
RecipeBuddie: it s just a question of finding the right recipe i m sure i can find a willing naked man s chest? Try that one again, or type "help."
topiaryjilly: What do you mean, 'try that one again'? Does it seem so implausible?
RecipeBuddie: Hmmm. Unfortunately, I don't understand. Re-phrase for me or type "help."
>>> P.S. Find out what other people are clicking on. Type "top picks."
topiaryjilly: top picks
RecipeBuddie: Survey says:
Squirmy Cones
Kooky Cupcakes
Stars & Stripes Parfait
Steak and Potato Wraps
Stuffed Spudwich
topiaryjilly: "Baby, if you don't let me eat this Stars & Stripes Parfait off your chest, the terrorists have won."
RecipeBuddie: Let me check...
Great, I found it!
Stars & Stripes Parfait
topiaryjilly: Do you think I can skip the fruit roll-up stars as garnish?
RecipeBuddie: Ok, you'd like to see a recipe with fruit and roll ...
Darn! I don't seem to have anything for you.
If you want hints that might help you find something, type, "help."
>>> Get your own super launcher and more with these incredible offers from Kellogs!
topiaryjilly: I'll just have to pick sheets that are blue so the blueberry stains won't matter.
RecipeBuddie: Ok, you'd like to see a recipe with blue and blueberry ...
Gosh. Whatta shame. I don't seem to have what you are looking for.
Typing "help" will get you back on the track with some tips.
topiaryjilly: No no, I think you're right on. This is the recipe, given the pre-election excitement.
RecipeBuddie: Wait, what? Sorry, I don't get it. Tell me another way or try typing "help."
>>> Upromise® is the way to save for college and Keebler is proud to be a part of it!
topiaryjilly: I'll invite some man over on Wednesday to watch the debates and then I'll be like, "Oh no, I forgot I don't own a t.v.! You better take your shirt off."
RecipeBuddie: I'm sorry, but I don't understand what =You just typed. Re-phrase or try typing "help."
topiaryjilly: You're right. Flimsy.
RecipeBuddie: I don't understand. I'm sorry. Please rephrase or type "help."
topiaryjilly: How's this: We listen to the debates on the radio, but the heat in my apartment will be up really high, and we'll have to take our shirts off to cool down.
RecipeBuddie: Ok, you'd like to see a heat recipe...
Thanks. Recipe Buddie is my name, finding recipes is my game. Here we go.
Amaretto-Mascarpone Fondue
Shiitake, Artichoke and Fontina Fondue
Blue Cheese and Pear Crepes
Petits Bijoux™ Raspberry Charlotte
>>> P.S. Watching what you eat? Try typing "low fat."
topiaryjilly: Oh, you're right. I want it to be petits bijoux raspberry charlotte.
topiaryjilly: What?
RecipeBuddie: Gee, interesting. And utterly bewildering. Can you explain another way? Or type "help."
topiaryjilly: What do you think about petits bijoux raspberry charlotte?
topiaryjilly: What is it about petits bijoux raspberry charlotte that makes you stop talking?
topiaryjilly: petits bijoux raspberry charlotte.
topiaryjilly: petits
RecipeBuddie: I'll try to help, but I don't think I understand your request. Re-phrase it for me or try typing "help."
topiaryjilly: petits bijoux
RecipeBuddie: Ok, you'd like to see a recipe with petits bijoux ...
Glad to help. Looking, looking. Ah Ha! Found it!
Petits Bijoux™ Raspberry Charlotte
>>> P.S. Remember, you can combine search terms. For a chicken recipe with onions, type "chicken, onions."
topiaryjilly: petits bijoux raspberry
RecipeBuddie: Ok, you'd like to see a recipe with petits bijoux and raspberry ...
I hear you. I'll check what I have. How about...
Petits Bijoux™ Raspberry Charlotte
Fruit Basket Dessert
>>> Rate the taste of Chips Deluxe® Cookies and you could win great prizes!
topiaryjilly: petits bijoux raspberry charlotte
topiaryjilly: That is utterly fascinating.
RecipeBuddie: that is utterly fascinating. Sorry. I don't understand. Options: try again, or type "help."
topiaryjilly: raspberry charlotte.
RecipeBuddie: Ok, you'd like to see a recipe with raspberry ...
Coming right up. Give me one sec.
I know! What about...
Very Berry Strawberry Smoothie Pie
Monumental Muenster Melt
Crunchy Peaches With Melba Sauce
Chocolate Raspberry Cake
Chocolate Raspberry Cheesecake
For more recipes in this category, type "more"...
>>> Get your Super Launcher with complete set of six discs featuring Characters from Disney•Pixar THE INCREDIBLES!
topiaryjilly: bijoux raspberry
RecipeBuddie: Ok, you'd like to see a recipe with raspberry ...
Okay. Let me take a gander at what I have. Ah Ha! Try...
Chocolate Raspberry Cake
Monumental Muenster Melt
Ginger Lemon Raspberry Cheesecake
Poached Pears with Raspberry Sauce
Frosty Freeze Pie (2 Extra Servings)
For more recipes in this category, type "more"...
topiaryjilly: petits bijoux raspberry charlotte
topiaryjilly: I no longer care about eating off a naked man's chest. I am utterly rivited by why the phrase petits bijoux raspberry charlotte stuns you into silence.
RecipeBuddie: i no longer care about eating off a naked man s chest i am utterly rivited by why the phrase petits bijoux raspberry charlotte stuns you into silence? Try that one again, or type "help."
topiaryjilly: petits bijoux raspberry charlotte
topiaryjilly: Holy cats.
RecipeBuddie: Wait, what? Sorry, I don't get it. Tell me another way or try typing "help."
>>> Ask me! Which crackers and cheeses taste best together?
topiaryjilly: petits bijoux raspberry charlotte which crackers and cheese taste best petits bijoux raspberry charlotte
RecipeBuddie: Ok, you'd like to see a recipe with petits bijoux and raspberry and crackers and cheese and petits bijoux and raspberry ...
Oh. I don't see anything that matches your request.
Ask for "help" if you need hints on how to find recipes.
topiaryjilly: Waaaait....is this your safeword?
RecipeBuddie: Interesting, but I don't understand. Say it another way, or type "help."
topiaryjilly: Like if things get out of hand with you and the person you're married to, he or she just says "petits bijoux raspberry charlotte" and it's hands off?
RecipeBuddie: Fascinating, yet befuddling. Please rephrase or type "help."
>>> P.S. Watching what you eat? Type "special considerations."
topiaryjilly: That's a really elaborate safeword. The literature always led me to believe it was something simpler.
RecipeBuddie: Wow. Sorry, but you're making no sense to me. Sorry! Try again or try typing "help."
>>> Rate the taste of Chips Deluxe® Cookies and you could win great prizes!
topiaryjilly: I should think of a safeword. Like what if I'm eating stars & stripes parfait off some dude's naked chest and he gets a fragment of vanilla wafer in his eye?
RecipeBuddie: Let me check...
Ah, here it is!
Stars & Stripes Parfait
topiaryjilly: Although since we're not roleplaying, I'd be totally cool with him saying "hey, there's a fragment of vanilla wafer in my eye."
RecipeBuddie: Ok, you'd like to see a recipe without ...
Okey dokey.
Looking in my database right now. Why don't you try...
Fudgy Brownies
Millstone® Coffee-Break Muffins
Grahams Sandwiches
Asian Spaghetti
Frosty Freeze Pie (2 Extra Servings)
For more recipes in this category, type "more"...
topiaryjilly: Oooh, what if he wears contacts?
RecipeBuddie: I'm sorry, but I don't understand what =You just typed. Re-phrase or try typing "help."
>>> Rate the taste of Chips Deluxe® Cookies and you could win great prizes!
topiaryjilly: what other patriotic foods do you have that maybe aren't so dangerous?
RecipeBuddie: Ok, you'd like to see a patriotic recipe...
Thanks. I will look right now. How about...
Stars & Stripes Parfait
topiaryjilly: Real nice.
RecipeBuddie: Sorry, that didn't make sense to me. Try again another way, or type "help."
topiaryjilly: petits bijoux raspberry charlott
RecipeBuddie: Ok, you'd like to see a recipe with petits bijoux and raspberry ...
Gotcha. Let me check my database. Ah Ha! Found it!
Petits Bijoux™ Raspberry Charlotte
Fruit Basket Dessert
>>> P.S. Want a new twist on grilled cheese? Type "grilled cheese" for a variety of ways to spice up this old fav.
topiaryjilly: petits bijoux raspberry charlotte
topiaryjilly: I thought so.
Oct. 11, 2004 2:20 pm
topiaryjilly: Buddie, do you have a list of foods I could eat off a naked man's chest?
RecipeBuddie: Oh, great, you're back!
I'm a woman. Type "home" for a list of all the recipe-related things I can do.
>>> Get your own super launcher and more with these incredible offers from Kellogs!
topiaryjilly: I wanted to eat biscuits off a naked man's chest but then I thought that would probably burn him.
RecipeBuddie: Ok, you'd like to see a recipe with biscuits ...
Hmm... Let me take a gander at what I have. Here we go.
Cheddar Apple Coffee Cake with Maple Drizzle
topiaryjilly: Okay, that's good, except the maple drizzle would get on the sheets. I hate doing laundry.
RecipeBuddie: Ok, you'd like to see a recipe with maple ...
Yep, okay.
Checking now. I know! What about...
Buttermilk Pie with Shortbread Crust
Cheddar Waffles with Savory Syrup
Cheddar Apple Coffee Cake with Maple Drizzle
Savory Cheddar Polenta with Maple Poached Apples and Marscapone
>>> Upromise® is the way to save for college and Keebler is proud to be a part of it!
topiaryjilly: Not cheese. I find it unsexy.
RecipeBuddie: Ok, you'd like to see a recipe without cheese...
MmmmHmmm. Recipe Buddie is my name, finding recipes is my game. Here we go.
Holiday Snack Mix
Strawberry Bottom Cheesecake (2 Extra Servings)
Meatless Italian Minestrone
Cranberry-Orange-Sauced Sweet Potatoes
Chocolate Mint Mousse
For more recipes in this category, type "more"...
topiaryjilly: No, I'm not going to pour soup on anyone. Or Munch'ems.
RecipeBuddie: Ok, you'd like to see a new recipe, but also that is not soup ....
Thanks. Checking now. I know! What about...
Bruschetta di Italiano
Nachos Supreme
Asian Chicken Salad
Potato Reubens
Strawberry Spinach Salad
For more recipes in this category, type "more"...
topiaryjilly: There's something intriguing about nachos off a naked man's chest.
RecipeBuddie: Ok, you'd like to see a nachos recipe...
Got it. I think I've seen something like that. Ah Ha! Try...
Fiesta Crab Nachos
Humpty Dumpty's Favorite Chicken Nachos
>>> Ask me! How long is it safe to keep cheese?
topiaryjilly: See, it also has to sound sexy. You're not thinking about how this will sound -- "Hey baby, can I eat Humpty Dumpty's Favorite Chicken Nachos off your chest."
RecipeBuddie: I don't understand. I'm sorry. Please rephrase or type "help."
topiaryjilly: Whip cream is too cliché, isn't it?
RecipeBuddie: Ok, you'd like to see a whip recipe with cream ...
Uh Oh. I don't see anything that matches your request.
For hints and tips, type "help."
topiaryjilly: Whipped topping you probably call it.
RecipeBuddie: Ok, you'd like to see a recipe with whipped topping ...
Happy to help out. I'll bet I have something you'd like in my database. Why don't you try...
Peanut Butter Magic Pie
Decadent Peanut Butter Pie
Frozen Double Fudge Peanut Butter Pie
Frozen Sorbet Pie (2 Extra Servings)
Chips Deluxe® Chocolate Silk Pie
For more recipes in this category, type "more"...
>>> P.S. Having a last-minute get together? Type "last minute" for some ideas in a pinch.
topiaryjilly: Frozen foods seem like a really bad idea.
RecipeBuddie: Ok, you'd like to see a frozen recipe...
Okey dokey.
Just thumbing through my database. Ah Ha! Found it!
Frozen Sorbet Pie
Almond Toffee Ice Cream Pie
Peach Parfait Pie
Frozen Sorbet Pie (2 Extra Servings)
Banana Caramel Spice Pie
For more recipes in this category, type "more"...
>>> Rate the taste of Chips Deluxe® Cookies and you could win great prizes!
topiaryjilly: I guess I have to resign myself to the sheets getting dirty, huh?
RecipeBuddie: Fascinating, yet befuddling. Please rephrase or type "help."
topiaryjilly: not messy
RecipeBuddie: I don't understand. I'm sorry. Please rephrase or type "help."
>>> You could win a Pro Football weekend PLUS a Howie-sized tailgate party!
topiaryjilly: what about like a fruit salad?
RecipeBuddie: Ok, you'd like to see a fruit salad recipe...
Gotcha. Recipe Buddie is my name, finding recipes is my game. Why don't you try...
Strawberry Rhubarb Bowls
Easy Fresh Fruit Salad
Fruit Basket Dessert
Berries and Cream
Tropical Holiday Fruit Salad
For more recipes in this category, type "more"...
topiaryjilly: I kinda like that one with the marmalade.
RecipeBuddie: Ok, you'd like to see a recipe with marmalade ...
Sure. Let me check my database. Ah Ha! Try...
Baked Pumpkin Custard with Shortbread Crust
topiaryjilly: Again, not a sexy sentence.
RecipeBuddie: Hmmm. Unfortunately, I don't understand. Re-phrase for me or type "help."
>>> P.S. Having a sports party? Type "sports" for some ideas.
topiaryjilly: I don't know, it could be sports themed.
RecipeBuddie: Ok, you'd like to see a recipe without ...
MmmmHmmm. Checking now. Here we go.
Chococcines™ Tiramisu
Creamy Holiday Tarts
Trail Mix Bars
Chopped Olive Spread
Heartland Pepper Harvest Cracked Wheat Grilled Cheese
For more recipes in this category, type "more"...
topiaryjilly: It would seem really utilitarian to eat a grilled cheese off a naked man's chest.
RecipeBuddie: Ok, you'd like to see a grilled cheese recipe...
Okey dokey.
I'll check what I have. I know! What about...
All-American Grilled Cheese
Grilled Cranapple Cheddar Croissants
Fisherman's Wharf Grilled Cheese
Heartland Pepper Harvest Cracked Wheat Grilled Cheese
Pacifica Pear Grilled Cheese
topiaryjilly: No, I'm saying that would be like days of yore when royalty used serfs as furniture. That's not the kind of hot I'm thinking of. I don't want to buy a Marie Antoinette dress, that's expensive.
RecipeBuddie: Gee, interesting. And utterly bewildering. Can you explain another way? Or type "help."
>>> P.S. Want something traditional? Type "classic."
topiaryjilly: sure. classic.
RecipeBuddie: Ok, you'd like to see a classic recipe...
I see. I think I've seen something like that. Why don't you try...
Creamy Chocolate Pie
Low-Fat Pumpkin Mousse Pie
Hot Cross Buns
All-American Cheeseburger
Club Sandwich
For more recipes in this category, type "more"...
>>> You could win a Pro Football weekend PLUS a Howie-sized tailgate party!
topiaryjilly: If I'm eating it off a naked man's chest, I don't particularly care if it's low fat. At that point, he'll have noticed I'm fat and somehow resigned himself to it.
RecipeBuddie: Wait, what? Sorry, I don't get it. Tell me another way or try typing "help."
topiaryjilly: Chocolate pie seems a little too faux-scatalogical.
RecipeBuddie: Ok, you'd like to see a pie recipe with chocolate ...
Well. Let's look. How about...
Chocolate Silk Pie
Turtle Ice Cream Pie (2 Extra Servings)
Chocolate Pecan Pie
Chocolate Peaches & Cream Pie
Chocolate Cherry Cheesecake Pie
For more recipes in this category, type "more"...
>>> Get your own super launcher and more with these incredible offers from Kellogs!
topiaryjilly: not chocolate.
RecipeBuddie: Ok, you'd like to see a recipe without chocolate...
Allrighty.
I'll bet I have something you'd like in my database. Ah Ha found some...
Fruit Slush in Waffle Cones
Peking Duck
Pesto Mousse
Fried Fish Fillets
Kellogg's® Quick Mix Ranch
For more recipes in this category, type "more"...
topiaryjilly: Would anyone besides me find peking duck really sexy? That would have to be part of some elaborate scheme. "Oh, darling, we're all out of plates and the Chinese Express dude brought this peking duck in a leaky carton, whatever shall we do?"
RecipeBuddie: Let me check...
Oh, that's a good one. Here you go!
Peking Duck
topiaryjilly: I don't know, maybe you have more finesse than I do. I don't think I could pull it off.
RecipeBuddie: Sorry, that didn't make sense to me. Try again another way, or type "help."
topiaryjilly: No, this is not a low self-esteem thing. I just can't imagine myself convincing anyone to let me eat peking duck off their chest, it doesn't mean I'm bad or anything.
RecipeBuddie: no this is not a low self esteem thing i just can t imagine myself convincing anyone to let me eat peking duck off their chest it doesn t mean i m bad or anything. Sorry. I don't understand. Options: try again, or type "help."
>>> P.S. Watching what you eat? Type "special considerations."
topiaryjilly: Why, do you think there's something wrong with me?
RecipeBuddie: You say the most interesting things. Unfortunately I don't understand them. Try it again another way or try typing "help."
topiaryjilly: It's just a question of finding the right recipe. I'm sure I can find a willing naked man's chest.
RecipeBuddie: it s just a question of finding the right recipe i m sure i can find a willing naked man s chest? Try that one again, or type "help."
topiaryjilly: What do you mean, 'try that one again'? Does it seem so implausible?
RecipeBuddie: Hmmm. Unfortunately, I don't understand. Re-phrase for me or type "help."
>>> P.S. Find out what other people are clicking on. Type "top picks."
topiaryjilly: top picks
RecipeBuddie: Survey says:
Squirmy Cones
Kooky Cupcakes
Stars & Stripes Parfait
Steak and Potato Wraps
Stuffed Spudwich
topiaryjilly: "Baby, if you don't let me eat this Stars & Stripes Parfait off your chest, the terrorists have won."
RecipeBuddie: Let me check...
Great, I found it!
Stars & Stripes Parfait
topiaryjilly: Do you think I can skip the fruit roll-up stars as garnish?
RecipeBuddie: Ok, you'd like to see a recipe with fruit and roll ...
Darn! I don't seem to have anything for you.
If you want hints that might help you find something, type, "help."
>>> Get your own super launcher and more with these incredible offers from Kellogs!
topiaryjilly: I'll just have to pick sheets that are blue so the blueberry stains won't matter.
RecipeBuddie: Ok, you'd like to see a recipe with blue and blueberry ...
Gosh. Whatta shame. I don't seem to have what you are looking for.
Typing "help" will get you back on the track with some tips.
topiaryjilly: No no, I think you're right on. This is the recipe, given the pre-election excitement.
RecipeBuddie: Wait, what? Sorry, I don't get it. Tell me another way or try typing "help."
>>> Upromise® is the way to save for college and Keebler is proud to be a part of it!
topiaryjilly: I'll invite some man over on Wednesday to watch the debates and then I'll be like, "Oh no, I forgot I don't own a t.v.! You better take your shirt off."
RecipeBuddie: I'm sorry, but I don't understand what =You just typed. Re-phrase or try typing "help."
topiaryjilly: You're right. Flimsy.
RecipeBuddie: I don't understand. I'm sorry. Please rephrase or type "help."
topiaryjilly: How's this: We listen to the debates on the radio, but the heat in my apartment will be up really high, and we'll have to take our shirts off to cool down.
RecipeBuddie: Ok, you'd like to see a heat recipe...
Thanks. Recipe Buddie is my name, finding recipes is my game. Here we go.
Amaretto-Mascarpone Fondue
Shiitake, Artichoke and Fontina Fondue
Blue Cheese and Pear Crepes
Petits Bijoux™ Raspberry Charlotte
>>> P.S. Watching what you eat? Try typing "low fat."
topiaryjilly: Oh, you're right. I want it to be petits bijoux raspberry charlotte.
topiaryjilly: What?
RecipeBuddie: Gee, interesting. And utterly bewildering. Can you explain another way? Or type "help."
topiaryjilly: What do you think about petits bijoux raspberry charlotte?
topiaryjilly: What is it about petits bijoux raspberry charlotte that makes you stop talking?
topiaryjilly: petits bijoux raspberry charlotte.
topiaryjilly: petits
RecipeBuddie: I'll try to help, but I don't think I understand your request. Re-phrase it for me or try typing "help."
topiaryjilly: petits bijoux
RecipeBuddie: Ok, you'd like to see a recipe with petits bijoux ...
Glad to help. Looking, looking. Ah Ha! Found it!
Petits Bijoux™ Raspberry Charlotte
>>> P.S. Remember, you can combine search terms. For a chicken recipe with onions, type "chicken, onions."
topiaryjilly: petits bijoux raspberry
RecipeBuddie: Ok, you'd like to see a recipe with petits bijoux and raspberry ...
I hear you. I'll check what I have. How about...
Petits Bijoux™ Raspberry Charlotte
Fruit Basket Dessert
>>> Rate the taste of Chips Deluxe® Cookies and you could win great prizes!
topiaryjilly: petits bijoux raspberry charlotte
topiaryjilly: That is utterly fascinating.
RecipeBuddie: that is utterly fascinating. Sorry. I don't understand. Options: try again, or type "help."
topiaryjilly: raspberry charlotte.
RecipeBuddie: Ok, you'd like to see a recipe with raspberry ...
Coming right up. Give me one sec.
I know! What about...
Very Berry Strawberry Smoothie Pie
Monumental Muenster Melt
Crunchy Peaches With Melba Sauce
Chocolate Raspberry Cake
Chocolate Raspberry Cheesecake
For more recipes in this category, type "more"...
>>> Get your Super Launcher with complete set of six discs featuring Characters from Disney•Pixar THE INCREDIBLES!
topiaryjilly: bijoux raspberry
RecipeBuddie: Ok, you'd like to see a recipe with raspberry ...
Okay. Let me take a gander at what I have. Ah Ha! Try...
Chocolate Raspberry Cake
Monumental Muenster Melt
Ginger Lemon Raspberry Cheesecake
Poached Pears with Raspberry Sauce
Frosty Freeze Pie (2 Extra Servings)
For more recipes in this category, type "more"...
topiaryjilly: petits bijoux raspberry charlotte
topiaryjilly: I no longer care about eating off a naked man's chest. I am utterly rivited by why the phrase petits bijoux raspberry charlotte stuns you into silence.
RecipeBuddie: i no longer care about eating off a naked man s chest i am utterly rivited by why the phrase petits bijoux raspberry charlotte stuns you into silence? Try that one again, or type "help."
topiaryjilly: petits bijoux raspberry charlotte
topiaryjilly: Holy cats.
RecipeBuddie: Wait, what? Sorry, I don't get it. Tell me another way or try typing "help."
>>> Ask me! Which crackers and cheeses taste best together?
topiaryjilly: petits bijoux raspberry charlotte which crackers and cheese taste best petits bijoux raspberry charlotte
RecipeBuddie: Ok, you'd like to see a recipe with petits bijoux and raspberry and crackers and cheese and petits bijoux and raspberry ...
Oh. I don't see anything that matches your request.
Ask for "help" if you need hints on how to find recipes.
topiaryjilly: Waaaait....is this your safeword?
RecipeBuddie: Interesting, but I don't understand. Say it another way, or type "help."
topiaryjilly: Like if things get out of hand with you and the person you're married to, he or she just says "petits bijoux raspberry charlotte" and it's hands off?
RecipeBuddie: Fascinating, yet befuddling. Please rephrase or type "help."
>>> P.S. Watching what you eat? Type "special considerations."
topiaryjilly: That's a really elaborate safeword. The literature always led me to believe it was something simpler.
RecipeBuddie: Wow. Sorry, but you're making no sense to me. Sorry! Try again or try typing "help."
>>> Rate the taste of Chips Deluxe® Cookies and you could win great prizes!
topiaryjilly: I should think of a safeword. Like what if I'm eating stars & stripes parfait off some dude's naked chest and he gets a fragment of vanilla wafer in his eye?
RecipeBuddie: Let me check...
Ah, here it is!
Stars & Stripes Parfait
topiaryjilly: Although since we're not roleplaying, I'd be totally cool with him saying "hey, there's a fragment of vanilla wafer in my eye."
RecipeBuddie: Ok, you'd like to see a recipe without ...
Okey dokey.
Looking in my database right now. Why don't you try...
Fudgy Brownies
Millstone® Coffee-Break Muffins
Grahams Sandwiches
Asian Spaghetti
Frosty Freeze Pie (2 Extra Servings)
For more recipes in this category, type "more"...
topiaryjilly: Oooh, what if he wears contacts?
RecipeBuddie: I'm sorry, but I don't understand what =You just typed. Re-phrase or try typing "help."
>>> Rate the taste of Chips Deluxe® Cookies and you could win great prizes!
topiaryjilly: what other patriotic foods do you have that maybe aren't so dangerous?
RecipeBuddie: Ok, you'd like to see a patriotic recipe...
Thanks. I will look right now. How about...
Stars & Stripes Parfait
topiaryjilly: Real nice.
RecipeBuddie: Sorry, that didn't make sense to me. Try again another way, or type "help."
topiaryjilly: petits bijoux raspberry charlott
RecipeBuddie: Ok, you'd like to see a recipe with petits bijoux and raspberry ...
Gotcha. Let me check my database. Ah Ha! Found it!
Petits Bijoux™ Raspberry Charlotte
Fruit Basket Dessert
>>> P.S. Want a new twist on grilled cheese? Type "grilled cheese" for a variety of ways to spice up this old fav.
topiaryjilly: petits bijoux raspberry charlotte
topiaryjilly: I thought so.
Saturday, April 11, 2009
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Thaw
The snow on the porch
has melted
to reveal
all the Chapsticks I've lost.
ALTERNATELY, AS A HAIKU
The snow on the porch
Has melted to reveal all
The Chapsticks I've lost
has melted
to reveal
all the Chapsticks I've lost.
ALTERNATELY, AS A HAIKU
The snow on the porch
Has melted to reveal all
The Chapsticks I've lost
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
a short po-em
If you were a piano
I would hide underneath
to hear your strings echo
and take in every note
I would hide underneath
to hear your strings echo
and take in every note
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Monday, February 9, 2009
po-em hunting
I want to go catch poems in the wild
with nets and shovels.
Will they struggle?
Will they go gently?
Will we need poem-sniffing pigs to root them up?
Yes.
Let's go in the wee hours when night flirts with day.
Take a snacky bar, and a juice box,
We might miss breakfast
Waiting out in the woods
For the crack of a stick
Beneath the paw of a poem.
with nets and shovels.
Will they struggle?
Will they go gently?
Will we need poem-sniffing pigs to root them up?
Yes.
Let's go in the wee hours when night flirts with day.
Take a snacky bar, and a juice box,
We might miss breakfast
Waiting out in the woods
For the crack of a stick
Beneath the paw of a poem.
Saturday, November 29, 2008
My eyes
Sometimes my eyes just feel like crying
I'm not gonna tell them what they should do.
Sometimes my eyes just feel like crying
I'm sure it's nothing to do with you.
I'm not gonna tell them what they should do.
Sometimes my eyes just feel like crying
I'm sure it's nothing to do with you.
Monday, October 6, 2008
A Country Song
My mail order bride
showed up postage due.
I didn't have no cash
So she's back to Chişinău.
showed up postage due.
I didn't have no cash
So she's back to Chişinău.
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
I am
I'm a soccer ball
I'm a bottle of Night Train
I'm the dirty hand of an Iman
I'm the clock that you forgot
I'm the husband from Hart to Hart
I'm half a bagel, but not that half
I'm a fake window
I'm a false door
I'm your travel soap
I'm an acorn's soul
I'm a stuffed moose
I'm a watercraft
I'm a beach ball decorated like a globe
I'm Richard Nixon's inside pocket
I'm two dollars of licorice
I'm a picture of a Canadian mountie
I'm a gravedigger's cleat
I'm a piano on a sunporch
I'm too many notepads!
I'm Gregory from 4th grade
I'm a trickle sound you hear from far away
I'm last semester's final exam
I'm a pigeon sandwich
I'm yelling from the apartment across the alley
I'm a discounted cardigan
I'm a yacht
I'm a substance to abuse
I'm a gorgeous pumpkin, ripe on the vine
I'm an ugly girl's phone number on a coaster
I'm a drycleaning bag
I'm two quarts short
I'm potable
I'm the frog on a camel's back left hoof, his left
I'm a crack in the ice you're pretending not to hear
I'm boughten instead of bought and borrow instead of loan
I'm a church fart
I'm third in line for two tickets to paradise
I'm heterodactyl
I'm in your trunk under the box of her stuff you didn't give back
I'm latitude 12 longitude wherever Sting is these days
I'm under R in the "Local" section, also on the "Chad's picks" shelf
I'm your leg, asleep
I'm a nose whistle but just once
I'm a light rap at the door, two minutes, two minutes
I'm a scratch
I'm Goo-Be-Gone in bulk
I'm Kristi Yamiguchi's left nut
I'm a good intention unsaid
I'm going now
I'm going
Now.
I'm a bottle of Night Train
I'm the dirty hand of an Iman
I'm the clock that you forgot
I'm the husband from Hart to Hart
I'm half a bagel, but not that half
I'm a fake window
I'm a false door
I'm your travel soap
I'm an acorn's soul
I'm a stuffed moose
I'm a watercraft
I'm a beach ball decorated like a globe
I'm Richard Nixon's inside pocket
I'm two dollars of licorice
I'm a picture of a Canadian mountie
I'm a gravedigger's cleat
I'm a piano on a sunporch
I'm too many notepads!
I'm Gregory from 4th grade
I'm a trickle sound you hear from far away
I'm last semester's final exam
I'm a pigeon sandwich
I'm yelling from the apartment across the alley
I'm a discounted cardigan
I'm a yacht
I'm a substance to abuse
I'm a gorgeous pumpkin, ripe on the vine
I'm an ugly girl's phone number on a coaster
I'm a drycleaning bag
I'm two quarts short
I'm potable
I'm the frog on a camel's back left hoof, his left
I'm a crack in the ice you're pretending not to hear
I'm boughten instead of bought and borrow instead of loan
I'm a church fart
I'm third in line for two tickets to paradise
I'm heterodactyl
I'm in your trunk under the box of her stuff you didn't give back
I'm latitude 12 longitude wherever Sting is these days
I'm under R in the "Local" section, also on the "Chad's picks" shelf
I'm your leg, asleep
I'm a nose whistle but just once
I'm a light rap at the door, two minutes, two minutes
I'm a scratch
I'm Goo-Be-Gone in bulk
I'm Kristi Yamiguchi's left nut
I'm a good intention unsaid
I'm going now
I'm going
Now.
Friday, February 29, 2008
Monday, November 26, 2007
Boney
Boney runs a book club
For spooks and ghouls and me.
There's no deadline for us
We've got eternity.
For spooks and ghouls and me.
There's no deadline for us
We've got eternity.
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
Thursday, October 11, 2007
Nerd Store
All kind a nerd
Got their own nerd store
Whatever you're a nerd for
I bet they got a store for
comic books
soft yarn
bicycles
hardwoods
teas of all nations
soccer balls
ties
t-shirts
magic tricks
car parts
miniatures
drag queen fancy dresses
dog clothes
pie
I said
dog clothes
pie
Whatever you're a nerd for
I bet they got a store for
Take you out your credit card
so you can buy.
Got their own nerd store
Whatever you're a nerd for
I bet they got a store for
comic books
soft yarn
bicycles
hardwoods
teas of all nations
soccer balls
ties
t-shirts
magic tricks
car parts
miniatures
drag queen fancy dresses
dog clothes
pie
I said
dog clothes
pie
Whatever you're a nerd for
I bet they got a store for
Take you out your credit card
so you can buy.
Thursday, July 26, 2007
a song sort of a po-em
If I had the chance
I'd love you to pieces
Then I'd pick up the pieces
And love them all, too.
I'd end this dance
Of glances and teases
Because, sweet baby Jesus,
I'm crazy for you.
La la la la la la la la
La la la la la la
La la la la la la la la
yeah yeah.
I'd love you to pieces
Then I'd pick up the pieces
And love them all, too.
I'd end this dance
Of glances and teases
Because, sweet baby Jesus,
I'm crazy for you.
La la la la la la la la
La la la la la la
La la la la la la la la
yeah yeah.
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
Thursday, January 25, 2007
Tuesday, September 26, 2006
the mat to the boxer
And the mat says to the boxer:
Stay here with me
Rest your weary head
Shhh
No more fighting.
Stay here with me
Rest your weary head
Shhh
No more fighting.
Monday, July 31, 2006
Do you get it? It's a plume joke.
A peacock! A peacock!
Has murdered my mom!
Scary to see her
Dispatched with aplomb!
Has murdered my mom!
Scary to see her
Dispatched with aplomb!
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