I am

I'm a soccer ball
I'm a bottle of Night Train
I'm the dirty hand of an Iman
I'm the clock that you forgot
I'm the husband from Hart to Hart
I'm half a bagel, but not that half
I'm a fake window
I'm a false door
I'm your travel soap
I'm an acorn's soul
I'm a stuffed moose
I'm a watercraft
I'm a beach ball decorated like a globe
I'm Richard Nixon's inside pocket
I'm two dollars of licorice
I'm a picture of a Canadian mountie
I'm a gravedigger's cleat
I'm a piano on a sunporch
I'm too many notepads!
I'm Gregory from 4th grade
I'm a trickle sound you hear from far away
I'm last semester's final exam
I'm a pigeon sandwich
I'm yelling from the apartment across the alley
I'm a discounted cardigan
I'm a yacht
I'm a substance to abuse
I'm a gorgeous pumpkin, ripe on the vine
I'm an ugly girl's phone number on a coaster
I'm a drycleaning bag
I'm two quarts short
I'm potable
I'm the frog on a camel's back left hoof, his left
I'm a crack in the ice you're pretending not to hear
I'm boughten instead of bought and borrow instead of loan
I'm a church fart
I'm third in line for two tickets to paradise
I'm heterodactyl
I'm in your trunk under the box of her stuff you didn't give back
I'm latitude 12 longitude wherever Sting is these days
I'm under R in the "Local" section, also on the "Chad's picks" shelf
I'm your leg, asleep
I'm a nose whistle but just once
I'm a light rap at the door, two minutes, two minutes
I'm a scratch
I'm Goo-Be-Gone in bulk
I'm Kristi Yamiguchi's left nut
I'm a good intention unsaid
I'm going now
I'm going
Now.